So, I'm a writer.

Well, actually I just like to write. I can't really claim the title of 'Writer' because A. I don't live in L.A. or Hollywood, and B. I can never seem to finish anything. Ever.

Sure, sure, every once in a while, I'll manage to force myself to the end of a short story. Once, I even won third place in a short story contest for this one. Sometimes I churn out complete thoughts, usually inspired by songs (for example, Sanctuary by Utada Hikaru produced this, and Lacuna Coil's Comalies brought about one of my longer stories).

Still most of my ideas dissolve before I finish the first page. I could absolutely force myself to continue writing, but I've always thought (and was thrilled to find Stephen King felt the same) that forced writing is the kind that produces wooden characters and dull plots. If it isn't itching at the tips of your fingers, there's little reason to put it on paper.

It's pretty frustrating. I love writing, creating characters and worlds, sometimes making them feel as real as the people I see everyday. And why couldn't they? You don't know anything about the people you pass in traffic, or that guy sitting in front of you on the bus. How do you know it's not his or her or their story you're telling?

You don't. And maybe that's the draw of writing. Still, a writer doesn't really have control over their characters. I know most of you probably don't believe that, but it's true. The characters, in a way, are unique entities -- everything that happens in a story happens because of them, not the writer. The writer is just a channel.

Ask Mr. King.

Either way, I don't know why I can't follow through with anything (and I wish it was only my writing aspect of my life that that applied to), but it drives me nuts and sometimes I want to tear my hair out and put mustard in my eyes. Yes, mustard.

My latest half-work is this little bugger. I love this one. No exaggeration. I think, finished, it'll be an amazing novel. I'm generally modest, but I have never doubted my writing ability, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If I could actually sit down with no distractions and just write, I think I could have a cushy life in store. Unfortunately, though, I can't, and that, so I'm stuck working full time in an office that's forty minutes away. Do you know how much I spend on gas each week?

I guess, in conclusion, I really recommend that you do what you really want to, and do it well, or else you won't do it at all ("What is she even saying?").

In my fear and flaws

I let myself down again

All because

I run

'Til the silence splits me open

I run

'Til it puts me underground

'Til I have no breath

And no roads left but one

I miss my brother.

Is that a Corona, Matthew?

Those of you who have been around for a while will remember my post a few months ago. Well, for some reason, tonight has been particularly hard. It's just so unfair. At his wake, they said something about him being in heaven now, that God had decided to take him back. You would think this all-mighty "God" figure would've had the foresight to realize that I need Matt much more than He does. What does a deity need with a 24-year-old kid? Maybe He knows my brother was the coolest, funniest, and most intelligent 24-year-old there ever was. Well, maybe He should stop being so damned selfish and give him back -- there are an awful lot of people down here that miss him and need him and would give anything just to see him one more time. Maybe people should just stop telling me that things happen for a reason -- what reason could this have happened for? Nothing good has come out of this; I dare anyone to tell me otherwise.

Yeah, I know what's coming. "Oh, you'll get through it, and you'll be stronger, and you'll appreciate life more-" and blah blah blah bullshit. That's hardly worth anything, even if it's true. I wouldn't care if I was the weakest, most unappreciative little bitch in existance -- at least I would have my big brother to take care of me when I lost it, and love me even when I was being stupid. It was unconditional, you know. Sure, sure, lots of people say they love unconditionally, but that's rarely true outside of parent-child relationships (and even then, there are cases where you wonder; would someone be neglectful of or abusive to a child they loved?). But my brother always loved me, even on the rare occasions when I got on his nerves, even that one time in the woods behind the house when he punched me in the arm (I think he was about ten at the time).

It's really frustrating to know that there's nothing I can do. "But you could volunteer or donate money in his name, or-" Blow me. That's not what I mean. I don't want to just remember him ("Remember him for the good things, not-" Jesus Christ, fuck off), I want him back. Memory isn't good enough. It's my fault that we didn't see each other more over the last few months he was alive -- I never put it out there, I just let him come visit me at work, or suggest that we do this or that. Okay, so I took him out once. Okay, so I invited him out once or twice, but he had to work or was already otherwise engaged. We didn't know that we didn't have all the time in the world, did we? Does anyone?

I guess, if anything, I can take solace in the fact that I seem to have progressed through another stage of the Kubler-Ross model, i.e. the five stages of grief. I think I got them mixed up, though. They're supposed to go like this:

1. Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."
2. Anger: "Why me? It's not fair."
3. Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my children graduate."
4. Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
5. Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."

Personally, instead of going 1-2-3-4-5, I think I started in 4, moved to 1, and have now evolved into 2, with one foot still over the line in 1. I'm definitely angry, but I was whispering to myself about how he can't be dead just a little while ago.

I almost want to say sorry for the emotional post... but then I remember that it's MY blog, and anyone who doesn't like it can eat me.

Where the shit did everyone go?

When Bob's site used to be on Blogger, like mine, he had a following (and I piggybacked off of it). Now he's got a new site that looks a hundred times better and is 200% more awesome, and everyone suddenly disappears? What the shit!

I know some of you are still looking at the site -- christ, he's getting 200+ hits a day. So fucking comment! Look, look:

He's got all kinds of stories, like
Grammy Pictures (you jerks all love the Grammys, don't lie)
Kim Kardashian and her sextape (I know you all love porn, too)
Gemma Atkinson's tits (she's not that pretty, but her body's fantastic)

Plus an assload of other stuff -- you've seen it, you ought to know.

All I'm saying is trolls/lurkers are homos. So stop being a homo and start commenting. 'Cause seriously, no one likes to be a homo.




Edit: JP, nice work on the commenting. You are not a homo.

Weekday mornings (suck)

All I have to say is getting up early is the worst thing ever. Way worse than the clothes.

Blog Review: What Would Tyler Durden Do?

If you don't know who Tyler Durden is, then you're a flamer and you need to see Fight Club, because it's fucking Brad Pitt -- what else do you want? Then again, I don't really know what he has to do with this blog, other than being in the title.

What Would Tyler Durden Do? is, to quote the writer, "a blog focused on bringing you the latest gossip and news about rich and famous celebrities. And then making fun of them. Why? Because fuck them, that's why." Very similar to Life Misled in some ways, but a bit on the gentler side -- in other words, you're less likely to cringe after reading an article. Still funny, though.

WWTDD is written by Brendon Donnelly, a guy who certainly looks like he doesn't take any shit. Apparently, he also used to write for IDon'tLikeYouInThatWay and was head writer for The Superficial.

Anyway, I've been meaning to review this site for a long time, because I've been following it for months. It's funny and well-written, and what could be bad about anyone who writes something like, "For the first time, I'm on Britney’s side. That tubby bitch can acquire food, I assure you. She's like a polar bear. You could put a cake under 2 feet of ice and Britney would stick her nose to the ground and find it. When asked for a comment, Britney said, "food goes in my tummy". I'm not technically a doctor, bet she's right on that one."

In conclusion: read it... or Brendon will kick your ass.

Conflict of Interest

Please do not ask what's going on in this picture -- I don't think I'd want to explain even if I could.

Okay, so by now, I think it's pretty obvious that I'm a bit of a tomboy. I'll certainly admit it without hesitation.

To the left is a picture of me from this past December, at a party Bob threw for his brother. I am holding the Christmas pig, whose wing was later broken. It was a tragedy.

Anyway, the point of my rambling is to point out how I am dressed here. Jeans and a long-sleeved tee shirt (which was not actually mine, hence why it was a little over-sized for me). You can be sure I was wearing sneakers underneath it all, too.

Skipping along...





Here's a picture of me from two summers ago. Note the Volcom hat, ONeil boardshorts, and Vans sneakers (please do not note the black bra -- I don't know what possessed me to do that). This is the style I ultimately prefer. I know it's not the most figure-flattering, attractive outfit, but I'm not aiming to look good; I just want to wear what I like.




So for my new job, I'm supposed to wear "smart casual." I cringed when I heard the phrase. I like doing cross-sections and comparisons, so here we go:


What I like.........................What they want

One more, just for fun, and because this amuses me, if no one else:

Good.........................................................Bad

You see my conundrum, don't you? Dressing nice is lame. Why go out and spend hundreds of dollars on nice clothes, when you can get something comfortable for like $50? I guess I'll just never understand fashion. Or people.

Oh well. You do what you gotta.

Skateboarding: Rune Glifberg

Ol' Runie Rune is my very favorite pro-skater, and has been for ages, though I will admit I started with Tony Hawk (who is still amazing on a board, but a little too media-centric for me now).

Either way, Rune isn't as well known, but I've seen Tony Hawk fuck up, which is not something I can say of Glifberg. Here's a video of him in Paris way back in 2000:

MotoX: Pastrana and Deegan

So, I was thinking, since I've shared my musical tastes, why not continue the trend and throw up some things pertaining to my other interests?

This post is all about dirt bikes and freestyle motocross. I'm sure everyone's heard of Travis Pastrana -- he was a big name a few years back, and still remains totally awesome -- and Brian Deegan is also a big name in the sport. Anyway, somebody put together a video displaying both of their most impressive tricks (and a few of their hardest falls).





In relation to that (sort of), here's Deegan backflipping over a pool of sharks. I recommend skipping to the last ten seconds of the video, when he actually does the trick; the rest is just MTV bullshit.

A Wilhelm Scream and Comeback Kid

... Are my two favorite bands. If the two went on tour together, I would sell my blood to get tickets, and if that wasn't enough... well, I have other things I can sell.

So, as I was saying, it appears I'm on a bit of a music kick this evening, so after the last post, I decided to search for some videos of AWS and CK to post so you can all see how awesome they both are.

I'll do A Wilhelm Scream first, since they're a bit gentler and more melodic. Plus, they're from New Bedford, MA -- that's only about an hour and a half from here! I couldn't pick just one video, so you get two, you lucky dogs:


A Wilhelm Scream: The Kids Can Eat a Bag of Dick
Yes, that's the actual title of the song. This one was (according the the YouTube description) put together by one of the people who toured with them last February. I bet they put on a kickass show.


A Wilhelm Scream: Famous Friends and Fashion Drunks
This one, from what I can tell, at least, is the official video for the song. It's not live clips like the last one, but it's really the song itself that matters.



Hope you liked them; they're my favorite. On to my other favorite, Comeback Kid. They're a bit heavier and a little screamier (I don't care if that's not a word, Bob), but just as rawkin' as AWS. Plus, they're Canadian, i.e. instant awesome.

These are the two bands I listen to when I go running.


Comeback Kid: Wake the Dead
The first CK song I ever heard -- and I was hooked immediately. Maybe you will be too :)


Comeback Kid: Die Tonight
Quite possibly my very favorite CK song, as hard as it is to choose. I fuckin' love this one, though. I want to run over a mass of people like that! Note the synchronized moshing at 2:22.



I do indeed apologize for the ridiculous amount of media in this post, but really, why the hell not? Makes it easy for you to see it, and my only goal is to expose you to two badass bands you may not have heard of. Win-win thing, really.

I'm kind of on a roll, here.

Finally (I swear this is the last), since I mentioned moshing earlier, I thought I would end with the video made for CK's song Loreli. Think moshing is ridiculous? Try taking it out of context:





P.S. If you learned nothing from the Sick of It All video, that is not the correct way to mosh. Then again, if you're in the middle of the pit, you might as well flail like an idiot -- standing still won't do you much good.

Sick of It All explains NYHC

Per Jarret's request (and because I, once again, can't sleep), I have decided to post the video he introduced me to. I'm a fan of Sick of It All, and of what I know of the New York Hardcore scene, as well. Anyway, the video goes over a few of the more popular types of moshing:





I'm a fan of the Pizzamaker, myself.

Pick your fave:

I love Comeback Kid, but they're a little weird

On Comeback Kid's official website, they posted journal entries while on tour in Europe. I couldn't resist copy+pasting this little blurb.

On November 18th, 2007, Casey wrote:


"Paris 12.11 - Possibly the most fun show of this tour. The backstage room had a large TV that was showing the stage in the next room so we could watch the bands as we all sat around being dorks. While This Is Hell was playing, Johnny made a dramatic gesture while shredding a bass line just as the intense strobe lights came on. It gave the illusion that he had turned on the strobe lights with a magical power, thus making him a Wizard! As the night went on the "Wizard" joke was gaining momentum and by the time Parkway Drive went on, more attention was given to casting spells on the crowd than playing their instruments. When it was our turn to play we had to do our best to top them of course so any chance we had, we pointed wicked fingers at the kids hoping the bands in the other room were watching. I'm sure the crowd thought we were out of our minds. Also to up the ante Kevin gave a heart felt speech to the effect of "Ya know, you guys got a great scene here. Keep supporting the venues and local bands. And always remember, you are all wizards and you all have the power!" Andrew added "I AM a wizard!" and we went into another song. Maybe it wasn't that funny but we all had a good time that night. Kids were stoked went crazy so what else could you ask for?"


So they're a little weird. I would be too if I was young and got to tour the world while kicking ass in the best Canadian hardcore band of all time, too.

Life Misled

For those of you that aren't yet aware, Bob has finally got himself a new site. I updated the RSS feed on my sidebar, so it should updated accordingly. Anyway, the new site is a thousand times better than the blogger one -- separate pages, links, contact forms, no rules? Go check it out.



In other, lesser news: I was just hired for a full-time position with Ideal Wave. I start Wednesday, and I'm very excited.