One Glorious Morning

I woke up this morning, and I laughed. Not just a little laugh, either, but a hearty chest laugh that even drew a few teardrops from the corners of my eyes. I wiped them away with my index finger – first the right, then the left – and sighed contentedly. The morning sunlight was pouring through the window, warm on my face as I stretched my arms over my head, still smiling.

How silly I felt, having wasted two whole years over such a thing. It was certainly a shame to have squandered all that time, but it was also a huge relief. I was so happy to figure out that my big brother was still, in fact, alive, and not a pile of ashes in a metal urn sitting on a bookshelf.

The birds were chirping outside. I rolled onto my side and looked out into the backyard. The grass was as green as it had ever been, the flowers were in bloom, and the trees were rich with color. I giggled, making plans in my head to pack some clothes and drive the hour home to visit him, and maybe even stay the weekend. We did have two whole years to make up for, after all.




This actually occurred a few days ago. The only differences were the fact that I didn't laugh out loud, and that the Boyfriend was sleeping next to me.

That feeling of relief was so overwhelming. I'm not sure I've ever felt so happy in my entire life as I did in that one, sunny, amazing moment.

Then, it was gone. As he is.




.... It never does go away.