Keep living your false life / please wake me up from mine.

No, that's not me, and it's not my work, but it's a similar setup. In our building, there's less light and lots more papers scattered over our desks, but the general idea is the same. For anywhere between nine and eleven (like today) hours a day, I am tied to one of those little desks, surrounded by mounds of work, but I also get one of those cool headsets so I can continue to do computer work even when I'm making or taking phone calls.

I'm not exactly complaining. I mean, I knew what was coming before I accepted the job. I also don't really mind any of it -- there's just so much. I've been there over a month, and I'm just surprised at how much responsibility I have.

I generally start my day an hour early, so instead of 10am, I go in at 9. Lately, I've been going in at 8:30 to help train the newest girl. I do some copying, then spend roughly four hours of calling doctor's offices and hospitals to get information they should have included on the test requisitions, followed by five and a half hours of taking billing questions (aka angry people who are angry because they've gotten a bill they weren't expecting and want to be angry at someone. Actually, I've only gotten a handful of those so far). Somewhere between all of this, I'm also expected to enter the ridiculous amount of Patient Protection Program forms and payments we get, enter faxes with information, sort and distribute the department mail, and run the financial assistance program.

Needless to say, I've been staying late and skipping lunch breaks. I put in an eleven hour day today (8:30am to 7:30pm), and only took a 15 minute break to run to Dunkin Donuts and get a coffee that tasted like cat piss anyway.

Redheaded Boy and I are also trying to start eating healthy and get into shape (oh, we're doing quite well together, thank you for asking :-D ), so I'm planning to go for a run after I finish this post. It's been a long, long time since I've gone for a run. I know it used to be the best part of my day, so I'm hoping I can get myself into that habit again. I also have two different gym memberships at the moment -- though I think one is going to run out soon -- so I'm covered when the weather starts to get cold.

I haven't been doing so good with the diet part, and they say that's about 80% of the losing-weight process, but eh -- Redheaded Boy says he loves my shape and doesn't want me to change anyway *swoon*

So, in summary, this is my life right now: Monday through Friday = WORK ALL THE TIME and occasionally see Boy at night. Friday nights = get drunk. Saturday and Sunday = try to hang out with friends that might forget I exist because I'm never around.

The good news is, I'm making monies and I'm pretty happy. I'd be perfect if I was doing all this in western Massachusetts, but I'm keeping my eye on Monster.com and Craigslist for that.

Sometimes I stop and stare of blankly into the distance, and I wonder.

Sometimes I wonder, is this it? Is this all there is?

What are we moving toward in our lives, really? Sure, I'm learning programming now so that I can get into a good company and do something fun (sort of) and get paid good money. Programming is important considering the way computers are taking over the world, so why not jump on the bandwagon ten years too late?

Okay, so if all goes as planned, I'll have a good job, and probably a fairly secure future. Cool. Then what? I'm not terribly enthused by the idea of marriage and children. So what's next for me? What new horizon am I setting my sights on?

That's all it really is, anyway. Get over this hurdle and move on to the next. What happens when you claw your way up that last hill and find yourself at the ocean, at the end of the world?

I am not content to sit and watch the view for the rest of my years. What will come of me?

It feels like there is gravel packed in tight between my skull and brain.

I don't like this two jobs thing anymore, no sir. I could just collapse right here on this keyboard, so I could.

More for the song than the video.

It's terrible and so good at the same time. I can't stop listening to it.