It feels like there is gravel packed in tight between my skull and brain.

I don't like this two jobs thing anymore, no sir. I could just collapse right here on this keyboard, so I could.

More for the song than the video.

It's terrible and so good at the same time. I can't stop listening to it.

Pukeworthy.

This is me and my Redheaded Boy. Well, it's not really us, but we are as pukeworthy as a couple walking down a beach around the time of sunset. We'd probably even hold hands.


Don't worry, I'll wait while you run to the bathroom to evacuate your lunch, it's cool.


I was lamenting yesterday about how I don't have time to blog anymore, then decided that I really needed to make a post about last night because it was all so disgustingly cute. Also, I had 69 posts and couldn't help myself from giggling.


So you know I work 10am (9am, starting tomorrow) to 10pm four out of five weekdays, and until 6:30 on the other, plus I'm supposed to put in a full eight hours on one of the weekend days (probably won't this weekend). I took my early day last night and had the boy come over so I could cook him dinner. I decided on chicken and pesto spaghetti, bought the supplies the night before, and had him meet me at my house for 6:45.


He called me while I was on my way home at 6:35. I thought he was going to say he'd be late, but instead got, "Uhhh, I think I'm early." So I drove really fast continued along, following all the laws of the road, until I arrived home a few minutes later. We each admitted to missing each other, and then agreed that this was ridiculous, as we'd just seen each other on Sunday! Pukefest.


Anyway, I was terrified to cook chicken (I usually stick to pastas if I'm going to make dinner), but Boy talked me through it. I wasn't so much cooking for him as it was a team effort, in the end. We had chicken breast coated with a flour/basil/garlic/oregano mix, and angel hair pasta with some excellent creamy pesto sauce. Boy had extra chicken (I was excited about that), and my both my grandfather and drunken uncle voiced compliments -- a rarity in my family. Boy and I sat alone at the kitchen table, and I scurried off halfway through the meal only to return with a candle in a jar type deal because I'm corny.


After dinner, we watched a bit of Spaced but got tired of that and decided to go for a walk. I brought him to a grassy spot, and we just laid around. If it hadn't been cloudy? Movie scene cute. Ugh. We're so gross.


On top of all that, we also have trouble saying goodbye -- most of the time, it takes a good twenty minutes, and that's if we're quick about it. I hate us, but I think it's fantastic at the same time. We don't do it in front of other people, I can at least promise you that! But hell, this is my blog, so here's a picture of him because he's handsome :)

So,

I'm workin' two jobs now. Four days a week, my schedule is 10am to 10 or 11pm, then the other weekday ends at 6:30pm, and I'll be working (probably) at least 6 hours on one weekend day. What free time I do have will very likely be spent with Redheaded Boy (and hopefully our pals on the weekend).

Basically, what I'm saying is don't expect as many updates as there have been lately. Or comments -- I'm already super behind on my Google Reader list :-\

My very first meme (kind of).

Super sweet Tootsie of Vintage Thirty tagged me with my first official meme! It doesn't appear to have a title so I'll just jump in:





What is your favorite quotable line from a Movie?
I tend to quote whatever I've seen most recently. Of course, when I saw The Dark Knight, I was falling asleep on Redheaded Boy's shoulder, so I can't remember any lines other than, "Why so serious?" My favorite movie to quote is Run, Fatboy, Run (which got horrible reviews but was actually so, so good - plus I'm in love with Simon Pegg), especially the lines, "Wow! You look... great!" and "D'ya think it'd be weird if I took a bath? .... Yeah, that would be weird."



Who is the most famous person you have spoken to?
Unfortunately, I am a bit sheltered. My Redheaded Boy was pretty famous on campus when he was going to Westfield State, if that counts? Or I dated/am super good friends with the guys that own and run Solvo Media? My boss is Matthew Corbett, a pretty well-known guy in the wireless world? S'all I got.



How many bags/boxes of Potato Chips are consumed at your place in a month?
You know, I don't really eat them, so I'm not positive, but I think the guys go through... maybe two or four bags a month, if I had to guess. Which I did. Clearly.



Who is your all time favorite Cartoon Character?
Wile E. Coyote, hands down.



What foreign food dish do you prepare from scratch and serve?
Hi, have we met? I don't make anything from scratch. I am not a cook. Unless you count strawberry-banana smoothies, but I totally buy the orange juice and don't grow my own fruit. Oh, and it's not foreign.



What is your favorite section of the Supermarket?
Probably the pasta aisle. That's were I buy the most stuff, anyway.



What was your high school teams mascot and what were the school's colors?
Oh man. I moved to Auburn right after middle school (that was fun), and was grouped in with the Auburn Rockets. Yes, our mascot is an effing rocket (Robert Goddard and all that jazz). School colors were, I think, supposed to be blue and gray/silver? Most of the apparel in the school store was blue and white.



The rules:
1. Answer the above questions in a blog posting.
2. Identify the people who you are going to tag, and
3. Acknowledge who tagged you.





Alright, well, I have a limited list so I'll tagggg:

Jill - From the Land of Jill
Miss - Rura and Miss
Summer - Random Reflection and Passing Thoughts



Because they are the only ones that occasionally read my posts :)

My story, let me show you it.

A boy leaned against a lone tree that grew at the top of a gentle slope, overlooking an expanse of wide summer field. Birds tumbled and swooped gracefully on the warm air currents, enjoying the cloudless day. Small mammals chased one another through the unkempt grass below. They kept one eye out for predators, but paid little heed to the child, who they deemed non-dangerous.

The boy pulled his knees to his chest, folded his arms on top of them, and rested his chin in the middle. His eyes were the only part of his face still visible, and they stared unseeingly into the distance. They were red-rimmed and faintly bloodshot, the only remnants of his violent and terrified tears from the night before. He continued to gaze blankly off toward the horizon, wondering when the thunderheads would begin rolling in. Or, maybe he should look for a tornado. Snow in the middle of summer. A tsunami hundreds of miles inland.

Why hadn't the world stopped yet? He couldn't understand how people just continued about their lives as if nothing had happened. Cars still drove, phones still rang, businesses still operated. It didn't seem right - someone had died.

He guessed he still didn't really understand what it meant to pass on - his mum told him to say passed on because it was more polite. All he really did know was that when someone passed on, it was like they left, but forgot their body. He wondered if there were new bodies up in Heaven. Mum had also said Heaven was way up in the sky, in the clouds. She said angels lived there, and they would take care of Dad. He wondered if Heaven got cold at night after the sun went down, and if Dad remembered to bring a coat.

The boy spent a long time upon the hill, wondering. He knew his mother would be worried, but even the thought of losing his television privileges -- or if she was really mad, a spanking -- could not draw him down. He didn't care about watching television if Dad wasn't going to watch The Discovery Channel with him before bed. He didn't even care if he got a spanking - they didn't really hurt at all anymore, he only cried because it meant Mum was really upset with him.

He thought about how Dad was always bringing home old cars and fixing them. He would slide out from under them on that rolling board and grab a rag to wipe his hands on while he explained what he had just done. He always tried to include the boy in his car projects. The boy wondered if cars in Heaven ever broke. He didn't think they would, because Heaven was supposed to be a perfect place. A little distressed, creases lined his forehead. What would Dad do for fun if there were no cars to fix? What if there was no Discovery Channel in Heaven, either?

Tears began to gather in the corners of his eyes again, so the boy put his forehead down on his knees and allowed the sobs to come as they would. The sound of his pain put the few remaining animals into cautious stances as the day turned to dusk. The sky grew orange, then pink, then darkened to purple. Still, the boy remained.

The light faded away, and everything turned to black. He could not see.

1

He opened his eyes wide, but there was still only blackness. Darkness and silence embraced him like a cocoon. He feared he had lost both his sight and his vision, but then, as he opened his mouth wide to scream for his mother, he noticed a green light across the room. Blinking, he remembered that they were numbers denoting the time. The alarm clock was on his desk, a respectable distance from the bed so as to force him to his feet in order to turn it off. No snooze button for him.

He flopped back on his mattress, grimacing a bit at the damp feeling of the fabric. It was a humid night in the city. He swiped a forearm across his face, removing some of the sweat that had formed there.

What a dream. It had been so vivid. He hadn't thought about his old man in... well, he couldn't remember. He'd only been six when the guy died. He didn't remember much. He wondered if the part in the dream about fixing up old cars was true, or if it was just mind fodder drawn from his own hobby.

Turning onto his right side, away from the window and the background noise of a nighttime city, he

I don't know what happens next -- rest assured that it is probably something. Or maybe nothing?

Forn... for... fornica... sex.

So I was just reading a post by Insane Mama in which she repeatedly references, alludes to, or flat out says sex. Along with making me jealous greatly amusing me, it made me think.

Is it terribly unusual for a woman to want sex all the time?

Everyone's heard stories about girlfriends that never want it (I went out with a friend just the other night that suffers through such a thing), and we all know the stereotype that married women are not at all interested. I guess I never really put any belief in the tales of woe.

Of course, that might be because I always want it. All the time. Every minute that I am not having it. I wish I was lying, because sometimes, it gets really frustrating. Like, of, for example, at work. Do you have any idea how long eight hours is when all you can think about is sex? Ohmygah it's awful. I have been suffering through today in just this way.

I like sex for a lot of reasons. I guess the most obvious one is eet feelz gooooooooood, ya? Nothing I have ever experienced has been preferable over sex with another human being, no toys, no self stimulation, nothing. On top of the physical side, it's a great way to know that your partner wants you/finds you attractive, and a good way to feel closer to them. Plus, it's hard to be bored when there's someone else inside of you, you know?\

Side note: A Google Image Search for the word 'sex' (with moderate safe search on) somehow brought up this horrifying thing. On the first page even. Someone please explain?

Side side note: Redheaded Boy surprised me with 'just because' flowers yesterday. I was way more impressed than I let on. Don't tell him ;)

Go press a cancer machine to your head.

I almost thought I didn't have a topic to write about today, but then a little voice (Redheaded Boy - he actually has a very large voice) in my head (by means of a cellular device) transmitted an idea to me that will ultimately go off-topic on a tangent only I will see the logic of.

See, Boy usually text messages me while on his break at work. I find this adorable. So when my phone vibrates obnoxiously on the desk beside me around noon time, I squeal with joy and snatch it up drooling voraciously.

Today, he asked when my break was so he could call me, and I was all AWWWW, Boy, you are the cutest! My boss is so incredibly laid back that I can just walk out of the office without saying anything to take a call, so Boy called, and we had a lovely chat for twenty minutes about Albanian opera singers and my fabulous ass in these gray pants and how he's going to take me out to dinner because he's sweet like that.

Okay, now that I'm done gushing, on to the real topic. Telephone conversations. I hates them. So much.

I know, I know! You're thinking, "What? But you're such a fun and popular and exciting girl with a life and friends - how could you not like talking on the phone?!" You probably weren't thinking that, but you'd better GET to thinking it, or else *shakes fist*. So yeah, no. I hate being on the phone. I hate calling people, I hate people calling me, and I hate any phone conversation that lasts more than four (exactly, not approximately) minutes. I use my phone to say, "Hey, I'm here" or to answer a call from someone saying, "Hey, I'm here" or on occasion, we have a, "Hey, want to come here and do this with us?" That's really the extent of what I use the phone for.

Or at least, that's how I used to be. I mean, I still go batshit insane (but am far too polite to say anything) when a conversation is full of empty lulls, or oh man, I hate it when someone is on the phone dictating what they're physically doing. I. Don't. Care. If you have to do something, just get off the god damned phone and do it.

I know it's easy to say, "Just hang up," but I just don't have it in me. I did the same thing yesterday at the mall. You know those kiosks in the middle, and the annoying sales people that try to make you buy crap you don't need? Well, I had a lady try it, and I actually managed to do a polite "No, thank you," and continue walking (I just learned to force this little maneuver), but then she tricked me by asking me something I didn't quite hear, so I stopped and listened to her go on and on about some nail kit that I actually already own (which I tried to tell her several times). I was there with Loo, and he was super annoyed, but I am just not that kind of person who can blow someone off, even though good lord I know I should.

A good image that sums up me, and then the rest of the world in response to me:

Ah, c'est la vie, no?

Anyway, what I'm getting at here is... what? I don't know. Um. Don't call me, I guess (except you, Boy - I totally dig phonin' with you).

Other random points (this may become a regular thing):

• It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is the best show I have seen in a while. I have been recommended many shows since them (such as Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Office), but I haven't gotten around to watching many. IASiP is really hilarious, though, and I wish the characters were real and lived in Massachusetts. Unfortunately, it is not always sunny here.
• I am alone in the office right now, and I have no idea where everyone else has gone to. I'm happy with it - I've unmuted the volume on this awful machine and am listening to Explosions in the Sky :)
• Redheaded Boy is getting an apartment, woo! The one he's looking at is only 4 miles from my house, too, which'll save us both a ridiculous amount of gas (he currently lives 20 miles away).
• I really want to move to Virginia. Random? Nah, my grammy used to live there when I was little. I visited Richmond in April and remembered how much I love it. I want to live in/near Carytown.
• It drives me insane that I want to do so many different things.
• I just realized that I didn't explain the post title -- I'm talking about how cellphones may or may not cause cancer. Summer talks about it in her new post here.
• Also, the picture was a result of a Google (heart Goog) image search for "talking on the phone." Weird, right?

Fin

Wednesday, Typing Day, Idea Day!

Today is, apparently, the day of great ideas! I've gotten more specific on the mini vacation in September, made awesome picnic-pagoda-books-lunch-and-wine plans for early next month, and am slowly cultivating my dream to live in a Buddhist Monastery (yeah, I already know what you're going to say, so zip it). Maybe the awful rain is inspiring me with its awful... wet... water? Um. Right. Moving on.

#1
So I mentioned two posts ago that Redheaded Boy and I discussed having a weekend at these little cabins my mom used to bring me to each summer, called the Pemi Motor Court cabins, seen ici:


I like to act on spontaneous ideas immediately, so I wanted to go next month, but Boy suggested we go in the fall, when the leaves start to change.

Genius!

So the new plan is for late September or early October, before it gets too cold. I recently mentioned this to the gracious hosts of the dinner party, and Lady found the cabins to be CHARMING (yes, she did use caps). They may rent one of their own :)

Anyway, we will probably be staying in one of the little log cabbies, as pictured ici:

I realize they don't look gorgeous on the outside, but the inside looks like this:

On top of that, the grounds are beautiful, and there's a really cool river behind the cabins! They all have fireplaces and such, too. I'm so in love with that place.

#2
The same Lady and I also discussed her and her Chef moving out to scenic western Massachusetts for her new job. I am sad that they are going (it's about an hour and a half away as opposed to fifteen minutes), but it's a great place to live.

During discussions about the area, she insisted that we go to something she called the Peace Pagoda. Dude. Hell. Yes. I am a total sucker for anything even remotely related to Buddhism or monks or cool eastern religions. There's a pagoda in Massachusetts?! I am there, Lady.

They're moving in a week, and will probably need another week to settle in. After that, though, we are making a day of this. Early (not too early) trip to the PP, a small picnic there, then we are going to the Montague Book Mill, (which, speaking as a total nerd, excites me to no end), lunch/dinner at their fancy restaurant, and ending the night with some wine and relaxed conversation.

I dig this plan. So. Hard.

#3
Okay, now, this one is going to sound weird. I mentioned my dream of spending some serious time in a monastery (I wasn't kidding, not even a little). Somehow, earlier today, I stumbled upon a website called Intentional Communities. IT'S NOT THAT WEIRD, SHUT YOUR FACE. So IC has links to ecovillages and communes and even just co-housing. I don't think it's weird to live close to a bunch of people and hanging out or eating together or whatever; I really like the idea of having a close-knit group to rely on.

Anyway, the website has a search function where you can find a certain type of community and find them in your area (or whatever area you want to go to). I want this. I just need to either find one that exchanges room and board for your labor, or somehow hit the lottery. I'm currently doing a search for ones with the word 'Buddhist' in the New England area.

Think about it, though! I could be one of those 'worldly' people they make movies about. A few years in a commune, working for food and shelter. A few years in a monastery, learning meditation and not speaking a word. Maybe taking one of those backpacking trips across Europe, staying in hostels (that movie was just terrible) and moving from place to place.

I can't even imagine how awesome that would all be.

I'm pretty sure I'm actually a hippie. The only difference is that I like to shower and shave my legs and armpits. Oh, and I'm completely uninterested in drugs. Or beads. Or pacifism.

Dinner party pictures because I like to show off my friends without telling them about it (warning, gratuitous pictures).

The chef (best ever) and his assistant, hard at work.

How cute is this kid?

They are my most favorite couple ever.

He's trying to get me drunk! Jay Kay, that was my wine.

My date, Redheaded Boy, showing his... skills? O_o

The guest of honor and a friend hiding behind him.

Our gracious (and super awesome) hosts.

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Aaaaaand because I'm totally vain, my new favorite picture ever:

Mr. and Mrs. Davis?!

So. Marriage. Let me talk about it.

I should probably start by saying that I am not completely against the idea of marriage -- in fact, I imagine I will probably even one day end up on that crazy train to Coupledom.

Thing is, if I ever do get married, I am going to be damn well sure that it will work and we're actually going to be content together. I know that doesn't sound like much, but it is. Think of all the stupid kids that get pregnant and then marry, or tell themselves how in love they are and wind up living in a broken down trailer in their family's backyard.

I didn't make the latter one up.

See, I used to visit my grandma and her husband (not my grandpa) every summer when they lived in Virginia Beach, and then continued to do so after they moved to Tennessee. They moved out to the stix to be closer to the husband's family, so it shouldn't be a surprise to know that, while visiting often, I befriended Grammy's husband's great nephew, Jeremy.

Jeremy was my first 'puppy love.' I adored him. We used to play video games, he'd take me through excursions into the woods and surrounding areas (which we got in a lot of trouble for), went fishing, to the movies, late night runs to Sonic... a summer 'romance' at its finest. It wasn't until the last time I saw him, when I was sixteen, that we kissed for the first time. I only remember being incredibly nervous and wondering if my hair was messy.

So now, I haven't seen this boy in roughly six years. Chatting with my Grammy the other day, I learned that, last August, Jeremy got married! What!

Naturally, in my surprise, I asked a lot of questions, which set Grammy off into a bit of a rant about his wife (oh god, he's only 21, he can't have a wife). Apparently, this girl is a horrible beast monster. From what I am told, she is super controlling, demanding, and pushy. She won't let him have any friends, won't let him visit my grandma (she doesn't like some of the people that live around her), and she pushed him to marry her. I know how that sounds, but Jeremy is a bit of a pushover, and this girl clearly saw this and dug her claws in deep.

I can't really feel bad for him, because if he really didn't like it, he is fully capable of leaving her, so whatever -- he's digging his own grave.

My problem is that I want to go visit Grammy, and if I am down there, I am most certainly going to want to see Jeremy and his brother, Josh. BUT, I don't want to meet the wife-beast. I'm pretty good at holding my tongue normally, but I have a feeling I would cause a huge scene if she bitched at him in front of me. I'm not sure why; I just think I would flip my lid.

I'd do it anyway, except that hey, it's their marriage, and I don't want to show up after six years of no contact (Jeremy doesn't use computer much and he's very bad at answering letters) and cause a bunch of issues between them. I don't want to be that girl. S'none of my business. Plus, if I piss her off, she definitely won't let me see him next time I'm around.

I'm so much more troubled by this than I expected.

/rant



Other things I want to mention today:

• Humidity is a sticky, sticky bitch, and I hates it (and my hair hates it more).
• I got almost 8 full hours last night, and I am falling asleep at my desk.
• We are out of sugar, so I cannot make coffee.
• I've been waking up really miserable lately, and I think it's because Redheaded Boy makes me laugh so much when I am with him that it just drains the happy reserves and afterwards I am dead inside.
• I think we are planning a mini weekend vacation in the early fall to these little cabins that my mom used to bring me to each summer. That is super exciting to me.
• Friday is my 'last day' at this job, though I plan to stay here on nights and weekends for the extra cash and to get these stupid files done.

Apologies: better late than never?

This here is my best friend, Mike. Mike is also my ex-boyfriend; my high school sweetheart, to be more specific (plus, I just like the phrase).

I have called him Mikee for as long as I've known him. No, not Mikey, but Mikee. I wanted it to be different. Typically, when I talk to him nowadays, I refer to him as Moo or Loo, but that's kind of a long story.

Anyway, I was discussing this relationship with Redheaded Boy the other night, and I got to feeling guilty all over again. Y'see, I was an awful bitch to poor, sweet Mikee. Take the opposite of everything I am now (laid back, trusting, thoughtful, agreeable) and that's what I'm talking about. He put up with that for three years, probably because I was his first real girlfriend and he may not have realized that OH HEY he didn't actually have to deal with a crazy woman.

Around 3 months is when the crazy sets in. I was cool with everything until then. All of a sudden, I was all quit smoking and don't smoke pot and no drinking (for the first year, at least) and oh my god if you even look at another girl I'll cut your eyes out. Oh man, that was the worst. We had so many, many arguments over me accusing him of "staring" at other women. I don't know why I was so insecure - he was super sweet and always tried to reassure and compliment me. Ah, the insanity that is estrogen.

And not only did I put him through hell for three years, but when I broke up with him (that's right, I somehow decided that I was unhappy in the relationship), I started dating someone else almost immediately afterward. Because I am a terrible bitch.

Somehow, we still ended up friends after all this (that was at least four years ago), and I'm really thankful that he doesn't appear to hold any of it against me. I suspect that he will remain one of my lifelong friends, even if we maybe move away from each other, thanks to the power of the interwubs.




Dear Loo,

I am sorry I was the worst girlfriend ever. Your next one will be awesome (as long as you don't pick up another crazy Athol girl). If she is not awesome, you will know better than to stay with her, because you do not want another insane uterus. If you do not know better, then I will tell you, because you let me get away with it presumably trust in my opinions, or are willing to listen, at least.

Don't rush into anything, don't lower your standards, and don't settle. You are a nice, handsome, smart boy, and there is no reason for you not to have exactly what you want. I recommend dating around a bit rather than jumping into another relationship. I know it's been a long time, but relationships are like traps sometimes.

You'll do well in life; there's no reason to think you won't do well in relationships.